Everything has changed. But some things have not.
For example, perfectionism was a thing before this disaster and it’s a thing now.
In some moments, I would like to acknowledge that I have needs,but that I can’t meet many of my needs right now because of this bat-shit, grueling, terrifying international emergency.
But I get the feeling that acknowledging that I have needs makes me a woman who is not doing this disaster “perfectly.”
Instead, they (Social Media? Culture? Pretty sure it’s patriarchy. Anyway,)… they assert that acting “perfect” during the pandemic means I should pretend I have no needs.
I should pretend I have no needs because my needs – to process my grief, to feel safe, to have space – can’t all be met right now. So why acknowledge that I have them?
And I am wondering…
What will it take for perfect to be over?
Will it take our reality dipping into a dystopian science fiction novel?
Apparently that is not enough.
This week, for the first time since I started this weekly letter, I questioned whether I should publish my own writing. I thought…
What will people think if I speak my mind right now? If I say I’m sad? What will people think of me if I say that losing my childcare hurts me badly and I actually don’t know how to cope with it?
The answer to all these questions: I don’t know what people will think. But as Cyndie Spiegel wrote in her email update yesterday,
“I won’t allow uncertainty to keep either of us from connection.”
That was probably my favorite thing that anyone has said so far.
It may be cold comfort. It may be no comfort. But some things are the same as they were before. Like…
– Tomorrow is not promised.
– We can only control our actions, not the outcomes.
– We don’t have to allow uncertainty to keep us from connection.
This week – the same week when I questioned whether I should publish – was also the week when more of my clients wrote and published than in any other single week since I’ve been coaching writers.
They are not allowing uncertainty to keep us from connection. That enlivens me, amigas.
Inspired by them, I’m going to go live on Instagram to talk about how we can acknowledge our needs even if we aren’t able to meet all our needs right now. This’ll be happening Tuesday-Thursday, 3/31 -4/2 at 1 pm PT/4 pm ET.
If you want to get notified when I go live, make sure you follow me (http://instagram.com/maggiefrankhsu). Then click “Following” Click Notifications >> Live Videos >> All.
Got that? Do your best.
PS: Instagram saves the live videos, so if you can’t make it live, follow me anyway so you can watch them later.