Fun can’t wait until I get all the important stuff done because I never get it all done. If I try to get all the important, responsible stuff done then I maybe get more stuff done that day. But I’m dead inside. ?
My impulse to withhold permission to have fun until after I’ve been responsible “enough” reminds of the pre-Covid craze over de-cluttering.
I’ve attempted de-cluttering over the past few years. It’s pretty impossible to keep it up with little kids.
Nothing personal against Marie Kondo, but now that we are all here all the time, de-cluttering has gone from impossible to laughable. If I wait until my house is de-cluttered to give myself permission to enjoy it, I’ll be waiting forevah.
But! I do love a clutter-free space.
So nowadays, I create temporary clutter-free spaces when I need them. In other words…
I just move all that shit out of my line of sight for a while.
The pile goes off to the side so I can have some free space in front of me. Then I put the pile back when I’m done.
I get a free and clear space. And I don’t expend the physical and emotional energy to put every item away, when all the items will just reappear in a few hours (or minutes) because everybody living here spends all their time here now.
Like on Saturday, Alan and I celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary.
We moved (most of) the toys/books/electronics/clean clothes OFF the dining room table, and set it up for ourselves to eat a nice dinner.
We decided we didn’t have to expend the energy on perfectly putting everything back in its place in order to clear space for ourselves.
And I know you know about self-care, but I’m not exactly talking about self-care.
I’m just talking about moving the mental clutter out of your line of sight for a while so you can have some fucking fun.
Fun, as Esther Perel notes, is not just “trivial, or an aside, but is actually one of the most powerful antidotes to death or to the feeling of deadness that so many of us are currently living with. … Play, connection to anything that celebrates life like that, curiosity, imagination, exploration, pleasure are actually survival tools. They are that essential to our.. sense of hope.”
That place is there for you, too, whenever you want to go to it. Sometimes you can’t get there unless you move all the clutter to one side. So do that.
I promise you, the clutter will be there when you get back. (And if you want to talk about how to move it to one side, or why I’m wrong, hit reply. I’m here.)